A Slasher Suite: In Five Parts


In a normal year, the maintenance crews would be hard at work repairing Camp Crystal Lake. But this wasn’t a normal year, and it certainly wouldn’t be a normal summer.

Jason Vorhees didn’t mind.

And so he sat on the edge of the dock looking at the placid lake. His boots were off, his machete at his side. He came out here to sharpen it in preparation for the weeks ahead, but instead he decided to dip his toes in the water and appreciate the wonder of the world.


Something was wrong with the chili. No matter what he added — more chili powder, more sauteed onions, more beef broth, a half-pound of bacon — he couldn’t get it right.

It had no flavor. In fact, it tasted like nothing at all.

And for the briefest of moments, Leatherface began to wonder if he had finally lost his appetite for human flesh.


Lying on his bed, Freddy Krueger refused to turn off the nightlight. Something far more terrifying had taken his place in the world of nightmares.


…and so Michael Meyers wept, knowing that this year Halloween wouldn’t come.


In the bathroom, with the lights off and in front of the mirror, Candyman couldn’t summon the courage to utter the words “Coronavirus” three times. He didn’t want to tempt fate.

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