Carnie Wilson

“In the end he was just a sideshow geek biting the head off a clucking chicken and spitting the bloody bits all over himself. But now the circus is leaving town and his fiercest fans are left to chant, ‘Gooble Goebbels. Gooble Goebbels. One of us. One of us.’”—Wyatt Duvall

We the Cheeto

“Cancel culture is simply the democratization of written critique and debate. Where such power was once in the hands of politicians and the media elite, now it’s in everyone’s hands and those hands are covered in Cheeto dust and itchy ass stink.”-Wyatt Duvall

Red Mars for the Rich

“If the poor don’t seize control of this rocket right now, they won’t be able to buy a ticket to the Red Planet. 

“If we fail now, it’s Red Mars for the rich, now and forever. 

“BTW, does anyone have a copy of ‘Flesh Gordon’?”—Wyatt Duvall, Blues for the Red Planet

I Did It All for the Tanuki

“Then I looked the president in the eye and said, ‘With all due respect, this is your only solution: We take Animal Crossing, add a Tiger King expansion pack, & allow the people to sell virtual tiger cubs and crystal meth for real world cash. That’ll keep ’em busy.”

“If that doesn’t jump-start the economy & keep Americans all safe & socially distant, I don’t know what will. But trust me: we do this and it’ll be your mug up there on Mt. Rushmore. In. Solid. Gold.”–Wyatt Duvall, I Did It All for the Tanuki: How Tom Nook & Tiger King Saved the World